Now is the time for all good gun rights activists to come to the aid of their State! have two cows.  The Government takes both
                         of them, shoots one, milks the other, then
                         pours the milk down the drain.

       CAPITALISM:       You have two cows.  You sell one of them and
                         buy a bull.  Eventually you get more cattle
                         this way.

       COMMUNISM:        You have two cows.  The Government takes both
                         of them and gives you part of the milk.

       DEMOCRACY:        Everyone has two cows, then a vote is taken,
                         and whatever the majority decides to do, you
                         do.  And that's no bull!

       FASCISM:          You have two cows.  The Government takes both
                         of them and sells you the milk.

       LIBERTARIANISM:   You have two cows.  As long as you keep them
                         on your own land and don't let them bother 
                         your neighbors, The Government leaves you
                         alone and lets you do as you please with them.

       NAZISM:           You have two cows.  The Government takes both
                         of them, then shoots you.

       SOCIALISM:        You have two cows.  The Government takes one
                         and gives it to your neighbor.

       BILL CLINTON'S BETTER IDEA:

            Obviously, you as a Farmer don't know what's best for you
       as an individual, and more importantly for Society as a whole.
       Therefore, you can't be trusted to make decisions concerning
       your own future.

            This being the case, The Government has decided to
       centralize the cattle industry and run it in your best
       interests.  Your two cattle are "purchased" from you (at the
       Government determined fair market rate, less fees for shipping,
       handling, and of course, taxes), and taken to a central,
       Government run compound for proper dispensation.  See
       "Bureaucracy" above.  You never taste dairy products again, but
       at least you get to buy USDA Government Inspected beef (at a
       fair markup, of course), and you're relieved of all the
       headaches associated with trying to think for yourself.

       Now isn't that a whole lot better?

       [The basis for this essay recently appeared as a reprint in the
       "Dear Abby" column of the local newspaper, and was credited to a
       "Mrs.  J. McC.".  It has been modified slightly, with the
       sections on Libertarianism and Bill Clinton being added before
       appearing here.]

       - P. Drewery -