Willis & The Extrterrestrial Aliens THE WILLIS CHRONICLES by Marc V. Ridenour Chapter Five: WILLIS AND THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL ALIENS For the past three or four months, Willis and Veronica had been teaching various groups of people on how to defend themselves from the Forces of Antichrist, the New World Order's UN 666 Police SWAT Commandos. It made them some cash money--which they sorely needed because nobody in town would hire them now, because they were so notorious--or famous, depending on your point of view. In between training sessions at Defus's farm, they worked on tending the gardens at their place, cutting and hauling wood up from the riverbottoms and in general preparing for winter. Nowadays Willis was doing all the heavy outside work, and even most of the heavier inside work like laundry and such, all by himself. That was because Veronica was going to have a baby! She had known something about her body was different when her monthly periods had stopped, and then she had started feeling sick in the morning, even throwing up sometimes. Willis had taken her into town to see the doctor, and the doctor had told them she was pregnant. "Oh, Willis! We're gonna have a baby!" she'd cried and they'd hugged real tight right there in the doctor's office when he had told them that. Now Willis was more careful than ever to keep his eyes open for any signs of the New World Order's 666 SWAT Commando Police. He had even asked Glinda Johnson if she knew of anyone looking for a place to stay who would be willing to work and fight the Antichrist's New World Order UN 666 Police SWAT Commandos. Willis wanted more people around--if the Forces of Darkness came back again, Defus and all his friends might not get there in time. Willis was worried about that; he knew that General Kate "Grandma" Barker who commanded the US Justice Department wanted to kill him and even Veronica, if possible. They would also kill the baby, too, maybe by aborting it. Defus had told him they had even imported Communist Chinese abortionists from Red China to head up and run the program to kill unborn babies by kidnaping the mothers-to-be and holding them down on hard worktables while they murdered the babies inside their tummies by some horrid means. Willis was positive they weren't a-going to murder his baby, nossirree. He kept all his guns real handy just in case they might try, too. 'Nother thing he was worryin' about--UFO's might swoop down, to grab Veronica and the baby. Defus had said there were rumors of a conspiracy between the UN New World Order and aliens from the stars. Not all of them were nice, like some of the ones on Star Trek, and that big-eyed creature, E.T., whose finger glowed and had healed the cut on the Elliot's finger. He didn't care if some extraterrestrial alien being-person tried to hurt his wife and baby--he'd shoot 'em just as dead as all them UN New World Order 666 SWAT Commando Police those last couple of times, yessirree. He was afraid they'd come like those E.T.'s on the Close Encounters Of The Third Kind movie and snatch Veronica and the baby--and not bring them back. Do horrible things to them; stick a silver BB up inside Veronica's head and stuff like that. Make Veronica have a bunch of alien babies, too, maybe; keep her locked up in some kind of alien laboratory forever, too. As he labored in the garden plots, Willis was careful to look out for UFO's as well as Black Helicopters. But he knew his rifle and crossbow wouldn't shoot down a UFO--he'd need something a lot more powerful to kill a UFO with. Defus came round one morning to find Veronica feeding the chickens while Willis was hoeing the tire-garden plots. He saw Willis had a pistol strapped to each hip and a rifle slung across his back. "Howdy, Defus!" Willis smiled. Veronica just smiled and nodded, saying nothing. She still sensed Defus maybe didn't like her, on account of her Daddy had been black and her Mama had been white. But Defus smiled and nodded at her anyway. "You seen any more Black Helicopters flyin' around?" asked Defus, eyeing Willis's hardware. "Nope. Not for awhile," Willis replied. "I reckon they must not be too eager to come nosin' round here because they know they'll git shot at iffen they do." "Could be," Defus allowed. "Well, Mabel's been askin' if there's anything you might need, Willis." "Well, I reckon we're doing okay. Mabel found that midwife lady yet?" Willis asked. "She's talkin' to her--she wants to come round and see Veronica one of these days. You been takin' it easy, honey?" he asked her, and Veronica nodded. "Willis takes real good care of me," she smiled. "He won't hardly let me do a single dish." "That's good," Defus smiled. "You need to rest and save up your strength." Veronica smiled and laid her hand on her tummy, which was almost as big as a basketball by now. "The baby sure is a big one," smiled Veronica. "He moves a lot." "It gonna be a boy?" asked Defus. "The doctor said so--he used some kind of machine to see my baby with--it wasn't no X-ray machine, it was something like submarines' sonar." "Ultrasonic scanner," nodded Defus wisely. "That's it!" Veronica beamed happily. Willis walked up to her and gently slipped his arms round her waist from behind, so his hands could rest on her tummy down low, and he gently cradled his unborn child in his big, calloused work-hardened hands. "I feel the baby movin'!" he declared. Veronica turned to smile up into his face. "He's going to be a big one--just like his Daddy," she smiled. "Well, he's got the best Mama any baby could want," Willis said, and kissed her. Veronica nestled happily in his arms and smiled again. She felt so happy and content; gonna have a baby now, and she was loved and cherished by the best man in the whole wide world, and at last she could give him the son he so obviously wanted... She went inside to rest awhile, and Willis looked solemnly at Defus and asked, "Can you git me a rocket launcher, like a bazooka? Maybe one of them RPG-7 or RPG-16 things?" "Whatcha want with one of those things?" asked Defus. "Just in case one of them Yew-Eff-Oh's comes 'round. I want to be able to shoot it down--them eetee aliens might want to kidnap Veronica and steal our baby like that two-part teevee show 'bout aliens takin' women and stickin' babies into 'em and then stealin' the babies again," Willis said. "Those things cost a lot of money," Defus frowned. "I figure you could take it out of what you been payin' us to come up to your place and show them folks how to use pitchforks to fight with, 'n things like that," Willis grinned. Defus scowled. "How many rockets you want?" "Oh, maybe about two dozen or so," Willis shrugged. "I'll try," Defus reluctantly agreed. "But don't go pinning all your hopes on it." "How soon can you get it here?" Willis asked. "Ain't sure I can," Defus frowned. ### "A little intelligence update about Willis Gumff," said the subordinate to his big-shot Federal superior in a posh top-floor office somewhere in Washington DC. "What is it now?" asked that worthy in an irritated tone of voice. "Well, his wife is pregnant and he's trying to buy a rocket launcher to protect her from flying saucers," the underling grinned. "His pal, Defus, is asking around." "How in hell are they getting military-grade weapons anyway!?" demanded the superior. "I don't know, sir. There's one helluva lot of smuggling going on in that global underground economy they've tapped into. There's a lot of Soviet military hardware going around these days." "I know--ATF Intelligence says..." ### "Couldn't get you one," Defus shook his head gloomily the next day. "They all cost way too much." "Reckon I'll have to make my own, then," Willis muttered. He thanked Defus, and went back to work in the garden. Veronica was resting up in the afternoon when Willis finished the garden work and went into the workshop to start planning on how to make a weapon that would shoot down UFO's. He pondered over his books and magazines, thinking about various ways of shooting a projectile. For a time he toyed with the idea of trying to build another crossbow to shoot a bomb fashioned into a giant dart, but gave up on it. The bomb would have to be big--almost as big as a two-gallon bucket if it was going to carry enough high explosive to kill a UFO with. When he was studying plans on how to make a grenade launcher from a shotgun, Willis wondered if it might be feasible to use compressed air to fire a finned bomb with. He had his Red Ryder BB Gun, so, using that to test the theory, he removed the BB shooting part from the barrel and sanded a balsa-wood dowel down until it fit inside the barrel snugly. Then he Super-Glued a plastic bucket to the dowel, centering it so the rod was glued to the exact center of the bucket. Then he fired the BB Gun. It worked. The theory was confirmed, the principle established. "Now all I need to do is make something that can shoot a real bomb," Willis nodded, thinking aloud like he did. "I wonder..." he looked up things in all four volumes of The Low-Budget Weaponeer, and found plans for using a fire extinguisher to power a spear gun. "I betcha I could make a gun big enough to shoot the bomb!" he declared aloud. "Hi, honey," he bent over to kiss Veronica as she lay on the bed, smiling up at him. "I need to see Defus. I'll be right back." "Okay," Veronica smiled. Willis kissed her again and went off to see Defus, riding down the road to Defus's farm a mile away. "How come you want my friend to make you this gadget?" Defus asked. "In case a flyin' saucer comes around and tries to kidnap Veronica," Willis replied. "Besides, this thing ought to work real good against them Black Helicopters, too." Defus nodded and studied Willis's scheme. Basically, a 2-1/2 pound fire extinguisher charged with just air was hooked up to a tube that ran back down the side of the extinguisher and curved again into the breech of the launcher part itself. To fire, one just squeezed down on the fire extinguisher's lever briefly, and the gas pressure would propel the rod and the bomb out and away. "How heavy's this bomb gonna be?" asked Defus. "I reckon it's gonna weigh this much," Willis showed him a bucket bomb bolted to a one-inch dowel rod three feet long. Defus stared. "You made the bomb already!?" "Yup. Home-made shaped charge of Poor Man's Cee-Four. Already shot off one as a test yesterday," Willis beamed. "It blew through three sheets of boiler plate almost an inch thick apiece stacked together like they were tissue paper." "I bet it did," Defus stared, awed. "A miracle you didn't blow yourself up, son." "Just follow the directions--and wear protective body armor and use handling tools like The Low-Budget Weaponeer says, and you'll be all right," Willis smiled. "I'll have my friend get busy on this right away," Defus nodded. "In the meantime, there's another bunch of people coming out this weekend--they want you to show 'em how to fight The New World Order's 666 Police SWAT Commandos." "Veronica has to rest up--she's about ready to have the baby," Willis declared. "Mabel can show 'em how to use the pitchfork." "Okay," Defus conceded. "But people sure like seein' Veronica demonstrate how she skewered that bastard when he tried to shoot her." "Well, after she has the baby, they can," Willis said doggedly. "Of course," Defus nodded. "So, Willis, when will you be there?" "Soon as I can get some folks to look after Veronica and the farm," Willis said. "It's just for a few hours," Defus objected. "I ain't leavin' Veronica alone a-tall," Willis shook his head. Defus knew Willis when he was in that mule-stubborn mindset. So, he just nodded and promised to have someone come around the next day or so. ### Willis got his compressed-air-powered launcher from the machinist a couple of days later, and after experimenting with some dummy bombs, determined that the most effective range he could expect to fire one was sixty to seventy yards. That ought to be close enough, he reasoned. After all, maybe I could hide in a foxhole with camouflage on top of it and they wouldn't see me in time. So, Willis decided that he had done the best he could and went back to his gardening. ### The first frosts had come, and it was plain that winter was just around the corner. Willis came in early one morning with an armload of firewood as Veronica was fixing breakfast. "Mighty cold out there," Willis declared as he stacked the split kindling-wood in the wood-bin a couple of feet from the stove. Veronica nodded. "The radio said it was below freezing." "I knew it was cold," Willis agreed. "The water in the cats' outside bowl was frozen solid. Didn't look at the thermometer, though." "The house gets a little cold, Willis," Veronica said as they sat down to eat. "Couldn't we buy a furnace and put it in the basement? I wish we had a real furnace." "Nope--don't have enough cash-money. The kerosene heaters we got in each room will keep us warm enough. And we keep 'em vented okay--that high wall vent in each room lets the invisible smoke out, and the smaller ones down by the floor let fresh air in, so we're safe enough." "I still worry," Veronica pursed her lips. "I know, but we gotta make do with what we have," Willis sighed. "I sure wish the Honkey-Tonk Bar hadn't closed; we made us enough cash-money then." "I know," Veronica sighed and Willis reached out to hold her hand... ### "Willis?" He looked up to see Defus striding across the snowy ground toward him. Lowering his splitting maul, Willis asked: "What's on your mind, Defus?" "Got an unusual situation," Defus replied, his breath smoking as he spoke, it was so cold. "What's that?" Willis asked. "This lady..." he began, and as he continued, Willis's interest really picked up, and he listened intently. It seemed she'd been one of these women aliens had kidnapped and taken aboard their UFO and implanted a baby in, and now she was scared they were going to come and take it back; the baby was getting big enough so the aliens could snatch it from her womb like they'd done to others she'd talked to. There was a kind of support group among women who'd been in that situation, and the others in the one she was attending told her that just about this time in the pregnancy the aliens came back to take the baby. She was terrified of the prospect of losing her baby, and had appealed to everyone she could think of--the police, the FBI, her Congressmen, and they'd all blown her off. Then she'd seen the news reports about Willis fighting off the New World Order 666 Commandos and thought he could help her. "...and that's it," Defus concluded. "Reckon we c'n put her up for awhile. Her husband comin' 'long?" "She ain't married," Defus sighed. "Okay," Willis nodded. "We can put her up in my sister's room." Defus nodded again and went away. Meanwhile Willis had work to do. Wood to chop and bombs to build... ### A dusty brown Mazda pulled up behind Willis's Daddy's old pickup and a very pregnant woman eased herself out from behind the wheel. Veronica, just as pregnant, came waddling out to meet her and they were fast friends almost at once. By the time Willis returned from woodcutting, he found them sitting at the kitchen table, talking away. "Willis, this is Brenda Franklin," Veronica smiled as he came inside the kitchen. "She'll be staying with us awhile. 'Til she has her baby and all." "Hi, Brenda," Willis touched his hat to her. "Welcome to our home. Hope you like it." The cute strawberry blonde with big blue eyes stared at Willis anxiously. "Can you stop those aliens from taking my baby?" "I'll sure try as hard as I know how," he assured her. "Made me a bomb-launcher that ought to kill a UFO." "Willis has shot down Black Helicopters; he can shoot down a UFO," Veronica said confidently. "These might be harder to defeat than Black Helicopters and FBI and ATF SWAT Teams," Brenda replied. "I reckon I can kill any eetee that wants to bother us," Willis assured her and showed her his crossbow, his pipe-bolas and finally, the bucket-bomb launcher. After seeing his weaponry, she seemed a bit more assured. Willis waited until she was in her room before talking to Veronica. "I'll be sleepin' outside from now on, honey. Them aliens must have a ray or something that knocks people out or paralyzes 'em. "So when they shine it on the house, I won't be affected, and I'll just pop right up and blow 'em away," he concluded. "You be careful," she said in a small little-girl voice. "I will, honey. We don't want 'em to take our baby now, do we?" "No, we sure don't!" she agreed. "It'll be okay, honey," he again assured her, and cuddled her close. ### "The time approaches for us to recover the fetus conceived from inseminating this Terran woman with our male seed," the alien in charge of such things said after reviewing the dossier on her. "Yes, but there may be danger--she has sought refuge with a Terran man called 'Willis Gumff', who has become notorious for shooting down Government aircraft and Government police-soldiers, too. He is regarded as a terrorist rebel by his Government." "Our stunning weapon causes their brains' sleep centers to activate and puts them in a deep sleep. He will be no danger to us." "Nonetheless, I advocate caution," replied the aide. "He is dangerous." "We have handled dangerous beings before." But they'd never handled Willis before... ### Willis had been spending his nights outside, sleeping in a foxhole hidden beneath some bushes, a little ways from the house. The night the aliens came in their UFO, he'd been awake, still, watching the skies with his binoculars. When the UFO came, he saw it first as a bright star off to the southwest, growing larger and brighter, coming right toward them. Then, Barney, his big mule, started to bray and kick in his stall in the barn, the chickens started squawking, and the goats, Sarah and Sandy, began to bleat in terror. 'The E.T.'s are a-coming,' Willis knew, and picked up his bomb-launcher. As the UFO came sailing toward his home, Willis waited until it was flying almost right overhead before he fired his launcher. The bucket-bomb sailed upwards and struck the underside of the brightly-lit saucer-shaped thing that was about the size and shape of the top of the High School Roundhouse in town. There was a bright flash and a real loud boom, but kind of muffled, because the shaped charge had directed most of the blast toward the spot it had hit. The UFO sort of buck-jumped, then flew very quickly over his house, off toward the northeast, only something was wrong, the lights dimmed, then went out, and as Willis watched, it fell from the sky to land in a bean field some ways across the road from his home. There was a tremendous CRASH! and a series of Crumps! like when he'd shot down those Black Helicopters and when they'd hit the ground. The UFO's hull split in several places, and Willis saw smoke and flames start to billow out from inside. "Wolverines!" he shouted in triumph. 'I just shot down an EeTee version of an Mil-24 Hind Gunship!' he thought with delight. Then he ran over to where his red rocket signals were cached, and shot off three of them... ### "What is it, Willis!?" shouted Defus as he came running over to Willis after bailing out of his Ford pickup. "It's one of them UFO's; they come to steal Brenda's baby, so I shot it down. My bucket-bomb launcher worked real good on it, too." "Wooooee! Maybe we better call the fire department," Defus nodded. "Keep it from burning up the bean field." "Be a good idea," Willis allowed. ### The firemen came and hosed down the bean field, but flatly refused to try and enter the giant, shattered hulk to put out fires until a HazMat team had analyzed the site with all their instruments--Geiger Counters and toxic-substances' detection devices, and declared it safe. Only then did they pour water and foam through the breaks in the hull, and that's all they did; they never went inside it at all, but that put out the fires inside all right. A flock of scientist fellers from the University over in Ames, and some from Iowa City, had arrived. They were all hollerin' about 'this barbaric act' and how it might ruin our chances of peaceful contact with other races. Willis saw one of them point at him, and that started a whole new outburst. "--typical behavior of those gun-toting louts--" "--tragedy. Now how can we convince them of our peaceful intents?" Willis strode over to them and loudly asked: "How can we be sure they's peaceful? Kidnapping women and makin' em pregnant like the vet does cows ain't peaceful. And kidnappin' their babies even before they's born--now that ain't peaceful neither. "Maybe these here aliens ain't like E.T., maybe they're like the ones in Independence Day. These ones sure act like it." The scientist fellers just sneered at Willis, and when they started belittling him, putting him down, using big words they didn't think he could understand(only he could figure out the gist, if not the exact meaning of what they were saying),he decided he didn't have to take that crap on his own land, so he waved a pistol at 'em and ran 'em off. He was about to go back to the house and see how Veronica and Brenda were when Trina Walker and her cameraman feller came up to him and shined that bright light her TV camera had on him. "Willis, is it true that you shot down that UFO!?" she asked excitedly as she poked that big microphone at him. "Yup. I shot down that UFO after they tried to kidnap Brenda's baby. First they kidnapped her and made her pregnant, then they's gonna come and steal her baby. So, I shot it down with a bucket-bomb launcher I made." He proudly displayed it for the TV Camera and even loaded a dummy bomb into it and shot it off for the TV audience. "What has the local reaction been?" she asked him. "You mean, what do folks think about it?" he shrugged. "Most ever'body hereabouts thinks it's okay, but a bunch of them professors from Iowa City and Ames got all mad at me--said I was a barbarian. Don't have to take that kind of crap on my own land, so's I run 'em off. "But they think the aliens are gonna be like E.T. Only, what happens iffen they're like the ones in Independence Day instead?" he asked. "True indeed," she flashed a bright smile at him and went away to get more interviews with other people. She talked to the fire chief and the professors from ISU and U of I for awhile, then they got back into their TV van and drove away. ### "Well, Willis Gumff strikes again," said the shadowy figure in the darkened conference room. "Shoots down a UFO and blows our credibility all to hell. "Why couldn't Grandma Barker and that pack of fools at Justice get him? They even sent Navy SEALs after him once, didn't they?" "Yup. The one who deserted was on Minnesota TV stations telling all about it. Glinda Johnson even had him on her radio program. Hasn't anyone located that bitch yet?" "No, she keeps on the move." "What about Gumff?" "Refer it to Justice; he's their problem." "So how do we get the UFO wreckage? Send in a raiding party?" "No, too costly in manpower losses--remember what happened when the FBI/ATF/US Marshals' Joint Tactical Operations Command SWAT troops tried it? And even that Team-Six platoon?" "Yes, I do, but--" "We send someone in in appropriate disguise and buy it from him." "The Man won't like that." "He'll like heavy casualties and a blizzard of bad press releases and radio and TV soundbites even less. We do it this way." ### Willis and Veronica watched as the huge flatbed trucks hauled away the UFO wreck, and he eyed the big gym bag stuffed with hundred-dollar bills the Hollywood movie feller had given him. "Got enough cash money to keep us going for a long time now," he grinned. "We sure do," agreed Veronica, and then her face tightened. "I--I think the baby's coming, Willis!" she said as a wetness stained her pants. Her water had just broken. Willis hurried her back to the house and got her onto the birthing stool, then ran outside and fired off red rocket signals. Mabel realized what they might mean, and hustled over there with the midwife. With Willis helping out by coaching Veronica in the Lamaze Method, their baby boy was born eight hours later... ### "He's beautiful!" Veronica looked down at the tiny infant in her arms. Willis, so proud he could bust, stood by, beaming ear to ear. "What will you name him?" asked Mabel. "Willis Gumff Junior," Veronica declared proudly. Just then the midwife poked her head through the doorway. "Mabel, I need your help. Brenda's water just broke too." Her baby, a beautiful girl, was born three hours later. Brenda named her Veronica. ### "Well, our intelligence has it the Franklin woman has had her baby. We need a sample of alien life to study. True, the child is a halfbreed, but even so..." the Government scientist continued his argument. The shadowy figures in the darkened conference room debated, then approved his request. Orders were sent out, and a special secret commando unit was mobilized... ### Brenda didn't have anywhere to go, no other family or even any close friends, so she stayed on at Willis and Veronica's. The babies, Willis Jr. and little Veronica, got along just fine, sharing a crib and Veronica and Brenda taking turns caring for the babies. An extra pair of hands sure made a big difference. Willis was busy chopping wood and doing other chores, but he always liked to take time to come in and sit down in the old rocking chair and rock the babies. He loved little Veronica and especially Willis Jr. And he was even more protective of his family now than ever before... ### "Where's Brenda?" asked Willis one day in late April as he came in from some work outside. "She walked down the road to visit some folks," Veronica replied. Willis just nodded, had a snack, then rocked the babies awhile before going back out to work. That evening, just as they were washing up for supper, and starting to seriously worry about Brenda's being gone so long, Defus and Mabel came calling, looking strangely solemn, even grim. "Howdy Defus, Mabel," Willis grinned. "Good to see you-all." Defus nodded, and spoke. "We found Brenda on the road next to our corner lot. She's dead, Willis. They killed her." "The 666 SWAT Commandos!?" Willis grabbed his gun. "We think so," Defus nodded. "She was shot once, nobody heard anything, which means the killer used a gun with a silencer on it. Like the Feds use." Willis scowled. "Get ever'body together, let's find 'em and kill them!" "People are out looking right now; if they get found, we'll let you know," he assured Willis. Mabel and Veronica talked awhile, and Veronica cried. After they'd left, she turned to Willis, eyes swimming with tears. "I guess little Veronica's our baby now, isn't she?" Willis nodded. "Reckon so. Brenda didn't have no other kin." "Yeah," Veronica sobbed as she picked up the baby girl and cradled her to her breast, feeding her for the first time... ### "The dogs have a hot scent--we're closing in on them!" Defus's voice came over the CB radio loud and clear. "I'll be right there!" Willis vowed as he gathered up his guns and headed for the door... ### "What happened?" asked the shadowy figure at the head of the table. "Our team botched the job; when the Franklin woman spotted them tailing her, she started to run and scream, so one of them shot her." "He has been suitably disciplined?" "No need--he was killed by a local posse tracking them with dogs." "And the rest of the team?" "Likewise eliminated. Our intelligence indicates the wounded taken alive were 'strung up' from the nearest trees. "The bodies were recovered by local authorities, who refuse to get further involved." "And the child?" "Healthy, last we knew. The Gumff woman has taken it as hers." "The last few efforts against Gumff failed, didn't they?" "They did. And now the whole countryside is aroused. They maintain a standing watch that actively hunts infiltrators. Getting inside again won't be easy." "That's what we do, the hard jobs." "Right." ### "--in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection through Jesus Christ our Lord," Pastor Jed Sullivan intoned, ending the prayer with "Amen." The small group by the gravesite consisted of Defus, Mabel, Willis and Veronica, with the babies as well. It was a bright, cheerful day, not the right sort for a funeral somehow, as Willis and Defus filled in the grave, Veronica, Mabel, Pastor Jed Sullivan and his wife went away to prepare the mourner's lunch. "You two gonna take in baby Veronica?" asked Defus solemnly. "Yup," Willis nodded. "We was Brenda's only real friends. I don't think she had anyone else--her folks are gone and it's just us. "Don't want no New World Order scum gettin' hold of her. We reckon Brenda'd want it this way." "Reckon so," agreed Defus. ### "Our intelligence probes inform us that the Terran woman has been murdered by agents of the Government. The task of obtaining the child will be easier now, but we must move quickly before they seize the fetus." "You are certain? The last effort cost us a starcruiser and it's entire crew!" "We shall recover the fetus--Prime Directive #5 so demands!" "And what if this Terran, this Willis Gumff, shoots down another starcruiser!?" "This time we shall be ready for him--and anything else those accursed barbarians may try to do to oppose us!" ### After talking about it with Veronica, Willis decided to spend some of their cash money on a weapon that would kill UFO's. The next time they came they'd maybe have their force shields up and that would stop the bucket bombs from hitting them. So, Willis decided to find someone who knew how to make a High-Energy Laser Beam gun. He'd seen lasers work in Star Wars and Star Trek, and had read articles about how the Government was making them right now. 'That would shoot down a UFO all right,' he nodded. But he knew a laser needed a lot of electricity to work, but maybe whoever could help him build one would be able to figure out a way around that problem, too... ### "You want a High Energy Laser that would kill a flying saucer at up to a mile away?" the scientist feller asked. Willis nodded. He'd ridden his bicycle all the way over to the Iowa State University at Ames, and hunted up the feller in charge of the science department that did research with lasers. "Yup. Them aliens might come back again, and iffen they do, they'd maybe have their shields up so's my bucket bombs wouldn't hurt them." The Ph.D studied Willis thoughtfully. Unlike some, he didn't let Political Correctness make him myopic. "All right," he said after awhile, "I'll help you build one. But how will you power it?" "Dunno," Willis admitted. "It sure needs lots of power. More'n my little Honda generator could supply." "That's true," the Ph.D feller agreed. "Are there any high-voltage power lines near where you could shoot from?" Willis nodded. "Uh-huh. There's a big one on them steel cantilever towers about a mile off to the east of my place." "Maybe we can devise a method for the laser to collect power from the high-tension lines." "You mean I throw a copper wire up onto the lines and get the 'lectricity that way?" Willis shook his head. "That could fry me to a crisp!" "No, I was thinking of a way to collect the electricity these high-tension lines radiate, just like radio waves." "Defus knew a feller who did that once; he run a long bare wire on insulators 'long his fence that was alongside one of them lines, and it collected enough power to make his whole farm light up," Willis nodded. "We can do the same thing, but a bit more advanced. I'll make a receiver coil, like the coil on a crystal radio set, that you can use to draw the power..." ### It took a week of work, but the laser was built, and so was the power-collecting coil. Willis spent most of that time winding the coil. When he was done, it was a big thing the size of a 55-gallon drum and weighed at least as much as a full one. The laser gun was about the size of a Solothurn 20mm man-portable anti-tank rifle like the one that Henry Bowman feller had used in the book Unintended Consequences. A big power cord almost as thick as a garden hose plugged it into the coil. "It's going to be hard to move, but once you do,it'll draw enough power to run the laser." 'I hope.' the scientist crossed his fingers. "Okay. Now, what do I owe you, 'sides for the supplies?" Willis asked. "If you shoot down another one, call me first before you call anyone else. I get first salvage rights, okay?" "Sure," Willis agreed. That was okay by him. Iffen this Ph.D scientist feller wanted to haul the next one away after Willis shot it down, that was fine with him. And if all he did was take his pick from the hulk, maybe Willis could sell it to another one of them Hollywood movie fellers. ### "What's that, Willis?" asked Veronica as she watched Willis manhandle two big crates off the back of a one-ton pickup truck he'd bought in Ames. "That's a gun to kill UFO's with," Willis smiled. "The next one comes along's gonna get zapped! It's a high-energy laser gun. This professor feller in Ames built it for me; all he charged me for was the stuff he built it with, just wants me to call him first the next time I kill a UFO with it so's he can scrounge from the wreck. Real good deal." "You think they'll come back again?" Veronica asked as she clutched the babies tightly in one arm and reached for her gun with the other. "Yup," Willis nodded. "And I'm a-gonna be ready for 'em, too." ### "Willis Gumff has acquired a high-energy laser weapon and a big coil to try and tap radiated power from the high-tension lines in his area," said the shadowy figure at the head of the conference table somewhere in Washington DC. "Is that a threat to us?" asked another. "No, not at this time. Our scientific analysis indicates the weapon's power supply is unreliable. However, our own tactical teams refuse to go into that area any more. The fate of their colleagues has dampened their enthusiasm." "We will need to find ones who will go in, then." "Yes. Recruit from abroad, Europe and Asia, I think." ### Willis spent most of his nights on watch parked out by the high-tension lines, the collection coil squarely beneath the long, looping lines running from tower to tower and the laser gun plugged into it. That was why he was awake and ready when the four quiet Pave Low helicopters came flying low over the earth and were circling his home before he realized they were there. But once he spotted them, he got his laser gun switched on, and sighed with relief as the indicator lights glowed green, telling him there was enough power coming in to power up the condenser coil and capacitors inside the weapon. As the capacitors powered up with loud whines like the one his battery-powered camera strobe flash made, only lots louder, Willis trained the gun on a Black Helicopter he could see through his infrared scope sight--it picked up the engine heat from the turbines just fine. And when the red light winked on that indicated the laser gun was ready to fire, Willis squeezed the trigger. There was a momentary flash as bright as the sun, a line of intense blue light reaching from the gun to the Black Helicopter, and it blew apart like it had a big firecracker inside it, falling from the sky in a million flaming pieces. Willis swiveled the gun to cover the next one, and when the red light came on again, he fired, and hit it. "Angel #1 just blew up!" "So did Angel #2! Let's get the hell outta here--!" They never had time; Willis shot the third and fourth ones down just like that... ### "What happened?" asked the shadowy figure at the head of the table. "Someone jumped the gun and sent in the foreign team before we could cut off power to that region of the Midwestern Power Grid. Gumff's laser works. A ground spotter saw 'lightning-like flashes' that struck each copter before it exploded. A Keyhole satellite image of the energy signature indicates the weapon's output in excess of fifty gigawatts. "The pulse apparently lasts for no more than 1/1000th of a second, but that's more than enough." "Estimated effective range?" "With atmosphere diffusion effect factored in, no more than five miles." "That's enough," remarked the one of the other figures in the darkened, shadowy room. "So what do we do?" "Call off any further attempts. The political consequences are too great. Even a successful attempt would generate unfavorable publicity. Black propaganda coups are one thing we must not give to the opposition." ### Willis watched as the last load of scrap metal was hauled away by the fellers who were willing to come and get it, and even give him some cash money for it. "I reckon they won't be coming back," Willis grinned as the last of the trucks rolled away. "I sure hope so," Veronica frowned as she cuddled the babies. Defus shook his head again. "That there laser gun sure made mincemeat outta them Feds." "Yeah, but it won't work iffen they shut off the power lines," Willis frowned. "Which is how come you need this," said Harry Archer, a new neighbor down the road. 'This' was a rocket launcher that looked a little like an RPG-7, but bigger in every way--launching tube, rocket and warhead. "I made it myself. It's effective out to 1,000 metres and kills any tank you care to name, not to mention armored helicopter gunships." "Whatcha want for it and a couple dozen rockets?" Willis asked. Harry quoted a sum, and after he and Willis haggled awhile, he settled for half the sum in cash and the rest in food when Willis harvested his crops. "He used to be a Class III Dealer before "Grandma" Kate Barker indicted him on the Brady Ban Bill," said Defus. "Now he makes Destructive Devices, Silencers and Machine Guns." "Maybe I ought to have him make me some silencers for my deer rifles," Willis thought aloud. "Use your crossbow," Veronica argued. "You already got that and it won't cost us any more cash money!" "Yeah, you're right," Willis agreed. Defus and Harry went back home and Willis and Veronica got back to their work... ### "We shall recover the fetus tomorrow night, local time. The ship has been ordered in." "Reports indicate this Willis Gumff is armed with a powerful laser weapon--" "Our shields shall not be affected by it," the alien commander confidently replied. "Very well, but do not underestimate these barbarians. His own Government keeps doing that, it seems," admonished the superior. ### The UFO came silently ghosting in, just like the last time. Only this time none of the animals made any noise. Willis, peering through his binoculars, decided: 'They must be using a sleep-ray that knocks everybody out.' So, he aimed dead-on at the UFO with the telescopic sight, closed his eyes and fired. The force shield around the UFO lit up like a fiery corona. ### "Heavy damage to field generators! They cannot take any more!" screamed the engineer. "We must recover the fetus! Our orders are explicit!" screamed the UFO commander. "But--!' Just then Willis fired again. This time the corona fizzled and went out. When he tried to shoot his laser gun again, though, nothing happened. He wondered why. Then when he looked around, he saw the whole countryside was dark. ### At the Midwestern Power Grid Energy Control Center the senior engineer shouted: "What in Hell happened at Charlie Fourteen!?" "Something created an immense energy drain that we couldn't compensate for in time--just like the last time! We were able to compensate for it last time, but not now--the whole damned grid's down! We're blacked out from coast to coast!" ### Willis picked up Harry Archer's rocket launcher, cocked the hammer and aimed it. It had a little telescopic sight, and Willis could see the UFO's silhouette plainly now; there was enough moonlight to let that happen. He fired. The backblast was tremendous as the rocket flew, a long trail of flame moving with incredible speed... The rocket warhead containing five pounds of C-5 super-explosive slammed against the bare hull of the UFO and detonated with the force of five of Willis' bucket bombs. The blast made the UFO buck-jump as before, and it climbed a little ways, scooted off toward the southwest but crashed into the same bean field and after some hiccoughing Crumps! same as before, it started to burn a little. "Wolverines!" Willis shouted as he reloaded the rocket launcher. He waited awhile, but no other UFO's or Black Helicopters showed up. Willis grinned and covered up his laser gun and power-collecting coil with tarps, then went down to reassure Veronica. ### "I am grateful, Willis," said the Ph.D feller as he shook Willis's hand. "This has been invaluable to our research. The remains of the aliens will be priceless data for our research. "And their drive systems, computers, communications devices--everything we recovered!" he exclaimed, face flushed with excitement." "That George Lucas feller's offerin' me a lot of cash money for what's left over, too," Willis grinned. "He can have it--we've seen and gathered all we can use," laughed the Ph.D feller. "I guess my coil for gathering radiated power was a little too efficient--that is what blacked out the entire nation for three days." "You mean I did that!?" Willis asked, awed--and scared, too. Would the Power Company get after him with a Big Lawsuit!? He blurted out his fears, and the Ph.D feller just laughed. "I talked with the folks at the Power Company; they aren't going to sue you--they just asked me to ask you not to shoot that laser gun any more." "I won't--unless them UFO's or Black Helicopters come back again!" Willis vowed. "I don't think they will, not after the second time around turned out so disastrously for them," chuckled the Ph.D... ### "You assured the Council the fetus could be recovered safely. You were in error," said the Supreme Councilor to the UFO Commander who had ordered the mission that had ended in yet another total disaster. "Now these barbarians have yet another wreck they can glean our superior technological secrets from, because of you! "You have failed--and worse! The penalty--!" the Councilor paused a moment, "--is utter demotion to the lowest rank in your service!" The UFO Supreme Commander silently groaned. Being demoted from their equivalent to five-star general to buck private was a fate almost too awful to contemplate... ### The shadowy figures were in conference again, somewhere in Washington. "The word from the Man(and Woman)is unequivocal; leave Willis Gumff alone. He says if we don't, he's going to bring his laser gun to Washington and hose down the White House with it. "Threat Analysis indicates he could do it. Even if we cut off the power. He seems to have his own power supply downsized to be easily man-portable." "They're backing down to just one man?" "One man can start a civil war--which is what we're facing right now, in case you haven't noticed... "Also, the word about what has happened has been circulating among the mercenary community, and nobody is eager to go into an area where the odds of being killed outright, or lynched by the irate citizenry, range from very good to downright excellent." ### "Why'd you say that on TV, about you going to Washington DC with your laser gun?" asked Veronica. "Just wanted to scare Grandma Barker and Mr. and Mrs. President so's they'll leave us alone," said Willis as he rocked Willis Jr. while Veronica rocked baby Veronica on the front porch of the house. "I guess it's worked, too. Now maybe we can just live our lives and not be hassled anymore." "I sure hope so," agreed Veronica as they sat there in the serenity of a Midwestern early spring afternoon... The End If you enjoyed this, and think it's worth $5.00, just five bucks, send it to Marc V. 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